Weeping Angel vs. Hawkeye
Amset-Ra is giving a tour of Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid for the ''Bigger Badder Better Battle Arenas and Gardens & Knuckles magazine. Their next stop is Amset-Ra's office.'' Amset-Ra: And here's my office! It may not look like much, but it's got it where it counts. Photographer: Looks sort of... abstract. Amset-Ra: Abstract?! Just look around! I've got a specialty Silent Mary in a Bottle on my desk! It was a gift from Brainiac. And check out Monstrox! He's a living computer screensaver! What's not to love?! Monstrox: Hello. Photographer: Eek! Amset-Ra: And check out the Ninjago City wallpaper given to me by Sensei Wu! And then there's the- Photographer: No, no, all of that's fine. It's the picture on the wall that's abstract. Amset-Ra: Oh, that one! Yeah, that's a selfie of me with the Corona-d ashes of the TARDIS. Photographer: ...What? Amset-Ra: When you work here as long as I do, you get used to some pret-ty weird stuff. Photographer: I'll say. The strangest part is probably the Swedish Banker in the max-security sarcophagus. You say he's your organic ATM? Amset-Ra: Yup! I come to him any time I need ten bucks for the Lavatraz soda machine, or to pay off my debt, or- Photographer: Wait, ten bucks for soda? Amset-Ra: Actually, the printed money tile has $100 on it. So make that $100. Photographer: $100 for soda. Amset-Ra: Made from organic energy crystals. Photographer: I WANT ENERGY CRYSTAL SODA! He dashes out en route to Lavatraz. Monstrox: He's a strange one, isn't he? Amset-Ra: I wouldn't exactly say strange. Maybe he's a bit too... normal for us. Monstrox: Oh, uh, I just remembered, Brickset posted an article about my theme ending. Can you help me? Amset-Ra: Yeah, well, it is ending, unfortunately. But you could migrate over to Ninjago if you wanted. Monstrox: Sons of Garmadon & Monstrox... Catchy name. Amset-Ra: I know, right? ... And to think that we just dealt with the evil TARDIS... and they're leaving us so soon. Monstrox: TARDIS? Amset-Ra: Long story. It was before you came along. But since you're part of my computer, you can access the battle archive. It ranges from Bard vs. Evil Mech vs. Lord Vortech vs. Lord Vampyre to Tee-Vee vs. Toxikita. Monstrox: Cool. And hey, I really like your Silent Mary in a Bottle. You say that Brainiac shrunk it for you? Amset-Ra: Yeah. It makes a great desk display. Oh, it's almost time for the battle! I'd better be going. But first, my pre-battle routine. Did Dad shower at Jokerland yet? Monstrox: Check. Amset-Ra: Is Ogel in prison? Monstrox: Check. Amset-Ra: Does the audience have stolen souvenirs, Grundalitis vaccinations, and notebooks for autographs from Tee-Vee? Monstrox: Check. Wait, stolen souvenirs? Amset-Ra: I sent Pythor and Sir Fangar on a shoplifting spree last month. Monstrox: Gotcha. You should be heading to the battle now; it starts in thirty-seven seconds. Amset-Ra: Yikes! Gotta hurry! He races down to the arena. Invizable: WHAT'S UP, PYRAMID CREW?! WELCOME TO INVIZABLE'S ROXX ARENA!!!!!!! Audience: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Invizable: Yeah, I know, it used to be called "Invizable's ROXX ARENA, but it's way better as "INVIZABLE'S ROXX ARENA". DON'T YOU THINK SO, PYRAMID CREW?! Audience: YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! CRASH! Amset-Ra: Why are you announcing instead of Wyldstyle? Invizable: Oh, uh, I hired myself. Also, Wyldstyle has to go attend the filming of Unikitty!. (Yuck.) So, is that a good enough excuse for ya? Amset-Ra: You... hired yourself? Invizable: Yup. Here's the "official" contract. He holds up a badly-drawn contract paper, obviously Frenzy's doing, signed by Invizable. Amset-Ra: Yeah. Contract. Anyway, I thought you quit being a rockstar since at least Ash Attacker vs. Kylo Ren vs. Core Hunter. Invizable: I miss being me. turning back to the mic Heads up! There's another name change! Instead of "INVIZABLE'S ROXX ARENA", we're gonna be called "INVIZABLE'S ROXX ARENA"! Audience: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Amset-Ra: Bringing back memories of Mantizoid vs. Tee-Vee vs. Buggoid vs. Scorm, eh? That was a good battle. Introduced Tee-Vee as a fighter- Audience: TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Amset-Ra: Oh great. You set them off. Invizable: I practice. Amset-Ra: I can tell. Well, get announcing; I gotta read more leaked set information! Invizable: Leaked sets? Amset-Ra: Yeah, let's just say Commandosaur's gonna be psyched to see what's coming. Invizable: Gotcha. RIGHT THEN, AUDIENCE! IN THE ROCK 'N' ROLL RED CORNER, THE STONE STATUE EVERYONE CAN'T TAKE THEIR EYES OFF OF, WEEPING ANGEL! Amset-Ra: Haha, I get it! They're afraid to take their gaze off of it, 'cause, you know, its magic touch and all? Invizable: AND IN THE BLUES BLUE CORNER- Amset-Ra: Lame. Invizable: -IS THE ARCHER WHO REALLY SHOULD BE PART OF THE ARROWVERSE, WHATEVER THAT IS, HAWKEYE. Hawkeye: I've beaten, or at least heard of, Thanos, Loki, Magneto, so an ancient stone statue? No biggie. Invizable: Nice try, Hawkeye. Guess what? YOU DON'T EVEN APPEAR IN GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY! FYI, a rejuvenated Groot took your place. Hawkeye: I just like to brag, that's all. Amset-Ra: Oh, me too, man! Invizable: Yeah! We can start an International Brag-a-Thon and rack up some big cash! Amset-Ra: And run Pythor and Sir Fangar out of business? No way. Invizable: Grumble grumble... ANYWAY! WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL PREDICTOR! (AND HE AIN'T TEE-VEE!) FOLKS, MAKE WAY FOR- Vorp! Invizable: Boss?! What are you doing here? AntiMatter: I AM HERE TO CRITICIZE YOUR OVERUSE OF CAPITAL LETTERS. Invizable: Says the guy who only speaks in caps. AntiMatter: I CAN"T HELP IT, OKAY?! ANYWAY, I LIKE HOW YOU INTERCEPTED KYLO REN LAST SEASON, SO I'M PAYING YOU $80 TO INCERCEPT HAWKEYE IN THE SAME WAY. Invizable: Can't it wait? I'm announcing today. AntiMatter: GO. I'LL ANNOUNCE TODAY. Invizable: Fiiiine... He leaves the booth. Amset-Ra: AntiMatter announcing? I think that's a first. AntiMatter: OKAY, SO AXEL STORM IS RETURNING TO PREDICT TODAY. Amset-Ra: Hey, that's our old buddy Sting Rayzor! Axel: Who? Amset-Ra: Long story. Anyway, who's your pick? Axel: Um... Axel's voice is drowned out as the audience erupts in protest just because Tee-Vee is not the predictor. Audience: WE WANT TEE-VEE! WE WANT TEE-VEE! WE WANT TEE-VEE! Amset-Ra: Weeping Angel, good choice. Audience: WE WANT TEE-VEE! WE WANT TEE-VEE! WE WANT TEE-VEE! Amset-Ra: AntiMatter, activate the audience vibrators. AntiMatter: GLADLY. V I B R A T E! Amset-Ra: Ah, silence at last. Hey, who's gonna be our ref? Crash! Mr. E: I will be your referee, Mr. Ra. Amset-Ra: Great! Start us off, will ya? Mr. E clicks his fingers to turn on the awesome aura around him. Mr. E: Fight. Amset-Ra: Cool! I need to speak in color combos too! Mr. E: It's available right now at Brickmart. Amset-Ra: YAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! He flees the stadium en route to Brickmart. Hawkeye: Alright, just give me a sec to load my bow- Blink. Hawkeye: Yikes! I never trained for this! AntiMatter: YOU JUST CALLED YOURSELF A HYPOCRITE, NOT KNOWING OF THE ABILITIES OF A STONE ANGEL. Hawkeye: Hey, don't blame me that Doctor Who stuff isn't part of the Arrowverse, much less myself! AntiMatter: DOCTOR WHO IN THE ARROWVERSE... NOT HAPPENING. Hawkeye: Uh... Someome watch the angel for me while I load my explosive arrow in by bow. AntiMatter: BUT THE ANGEL SHOULDN'T MOVE TO BEGIN WITH, WITH THE AUDIENCE WATCHING IT AND ALL. Hawkeye: Good point, though. AntiMatter: HAWKEYE IS ATTEMPTING TO LOAD HIS BOW, BUT ALSO KEEPING HIS EYE ON THE WEEPING ANGEL IS PROVING HARDER THAN IT LOOKS. Mr. E: Actually, it kinda looks hard, too. Ooh! Now it's a total mystery what I'm saying! AntiMatter: READERS, JUST HIGHLIGHT THE TEXT TO SEE WHAT HE'S SAYING. Mr. E: Now we're breaking the fourth wall, are we? AntiMatter: WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY... YES, WE ARE. The lights go out. Anubis Guard: Sorry! Just another Weeping Angel-induced power failure! The lights turn back on. There are now three Weeping Angels. Hawkeye: Cloning by cover of darkness?! AntiMatter: NOT CLONING, I PERCEIVE, BUT BACKUP. Hawkeye: Ref! Backup is against the rules, isn't it? Mr. E: That's for Amset-Ra to decide. But meh, just go with it. Hawkeye: I'll just shoot the original - except they all look alike! AntiMatter: YOU JUST SAID HE WAS QUOTE "NO BIGGIE" UNQUOTE. Hawkeye: I take that back, okay? Besides, I didn't even know Weeping Angels feed off your time energy! But wait a minute... Okay, so, a Weeping Angel has the ability to send you to the past and feed on your time energy, but they're also quantum locked. This means that they can't move if someone's looking at them. Mr. E, our ref, has a penetrating gaze, which means he is constantly observing the fight, which must mean the the Weeping Angels can't move anyway! AntiMatter: IT SEEMS THAT HAWKEYE HAS RENEWED STRENGTH, FOR HE IS LOADING A DYNAMITE-TIPPED ARROW INTO HIS BOW EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BUSTED ON MYTHBUSTERS, BUT WHAT GOOD WILL IT DO HIM IF MY ACCOMPLICE INVIZABLE IS GOING TO INTERCEPT HIM AT ANY MOMENT? Invizable: Boo. Hawkeye: GAH! You made me lose my focus! What are you doing, interfering with the fight?! Invizable: I sure hope you attended, or at least watched Alien Commander vs. Kylo Ren, because you know the outcome. Hawkeye: Nice try. The Weeping Angels aren't going to attack soon because- The lights go out again. Anubis Guard: At least the angels are benefiting our electric bill. The lights turn on again. AntiMatter: AND I STILL HAVE LIGHT IN MY BOOTH. OH LOOK, HAWKEYE'S SURROUNDED BY FIVE ANGELS. Hawkeye: Uh, help? Invizable: Interception FTW! Hey, boss, can I have the booth back? AntiMatter: NOT UNTIL HAWKEYE LOSES. Hawkeye: Oh wait, I still have my bow. TWANG! BOOM! Hawkeye: Yeah! Two angels down! AntiMatter: HAWKEYE HAS PROVED THE MYTHBUSTERS WRONG WHEN HE SUCCESSFULLY FIRED DYNAMITE FROM A BOW, SUCCESSFULLY TAKING OUT TWO WEEPING ANGELS. Invizable: But you still have three left. Hawkeye: BUZZ OFF, VIZZIE! Invizable: I'm getting paid to intercept you. Hawkeye: Listen, Invizable, I've been on reconnaissance missions before, and this is not how interception works. This isn't interception. It's interference. Invizable: Interception, interference, what's the difference. Hey, I'd watch those angels if I were you. Hawkeye: Huh? The lights go out again. Anubis Guard: That's it! I'm calling the electrician! The lights turn on again. AntiMatter: There appears to be only one Weeping Angel now... and Hawkeye is nowhere to be seen. Mr. E: Then I declare the Weeping Angel the winner! Amset-Ra: Hey guys, I'm back. What did I miss? Mr. E: Weeping Angel won. Uh, I don't think those two colors fit you. Amset-Ra: Then what about these two? Mr. E:' Totally cringeworthy. You're probably better off speaking normally. Amset-Ra: Yeah, you're right... AntiMatter: EXCELLENT JOB, INVIZABLE. I'M GIVING YOU A RAISE. Invizable: Thanks! Amset-Ra: Oh, and end transmission or something. Hawkeye: Aw man... Now I'll never get to the Arrowverse! Colonial Soldier: What are you talking about? Hawkeye: I'm in the Revolutionary War, aren't I? Guess what? I'M LIVING HISTORY! ... I hated history. Too many quizzes. Colonial Soldier: Is that a camera facing us? What's a camera? Hawkeye: Someone take me back to the present... See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle. How much did you enjoy Weeping Angel vs. Hawkeye? 1 (Least) 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Most)